I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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