apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
