the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
