Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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