I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
