i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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