I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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