Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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