DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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