Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.