He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
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im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one