Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?