You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
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I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
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It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?