Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.

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(810): I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life. http://tfl.nu/vjtl

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(423): View more from Tennessee

two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.

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(423): two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars. http://tfl.nu/vo0x

Replies (35) Good night (805) Bad night (6467) Order T-Shirt
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(319): View more from Iowa

he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.

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(319): he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me. http://tfl.nu/lhdj

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(847): View more from Illinois

My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

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(847): My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo http://tfl.nu/wnvu

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(201): View more from New Jersey

if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.

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(201): if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter. http://tfl.nu/wtfv

Replies (27) Good night (4990) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.

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(859): Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right. http://tfl.nu/hrwa

Replies (71) Good night (6966) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
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(312): View more from Illinois

dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.

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(312): dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it. http://tfl.nu/1896

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(913): View more from Kansas

season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.

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(913): season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown. http://tfl.nu/f9w7

Replies (33) Good night (4613) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.

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(267): i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough. http://tfl.nu/ija6

Replies (29) Good night (1911) Bad night (6686) Order T-Shirt
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(205): View more from Alabama

I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

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(205): I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face. http://tfl.nu/ce47

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(718): View more from New York

I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"

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(718): I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!" http://tfl.nu/wp1u

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(513): View more from Ohio

He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.

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(513): He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit. http://tfl.nu/4hrv

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!

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(+44): This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant! http://tfl.nu/ns2k

Replies (7) Good night (4262) Bad night (594)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.

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(615): Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often. http://tfl.nu/4yb3

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(912): View more from Georgia

It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.

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(912): It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time. http://tfl.nu/lxl4

Replies (4) Good night (461) Bad night (211) Order T-Shirt

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