i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
