in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
