this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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