Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
