So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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