they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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