I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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