it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize