I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
