I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
