is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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