just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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