There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
