i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
