I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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