theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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