my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
do herpes really smell.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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