i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
