Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
