i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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