Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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