just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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