Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
