Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The best revenge is premature balding
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
