Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
