My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
