We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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