Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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