If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
