don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
