sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
