we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
