it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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