I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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