ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
