Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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