Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
