ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
