Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
