i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
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Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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