It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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