Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
