Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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