I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
