I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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