We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
