I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
