i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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