I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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