im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
