Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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