Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
its liver damage thursday
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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