My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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