Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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