She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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