I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
