She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
