Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
