The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
