That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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