hell yes lets make some ravioli
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
