The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm too high and old for this...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
