Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just want nice things and good sex
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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