I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
