Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My nipple is on Facebook.
handjob tips. give me some.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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