I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
