Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
