Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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