Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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