There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
