I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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